It is not often that I open my heart and bare all, I usually go through life with a smile on my face, telling everyone that I'm fine – often to my own detriment. and I know that I can seem rather reserved, so I thought perhaps it was time to share a little piece of me and my own spiritual journey ….
I consider myself to be a deeply spiritual person. I'm very empathic and find that rather hard to live with – I think many people consider empathy to be a gift, but often it feels more like a curse. As a child I had a number of unusual experiences that I now feel were spiritual/psychic, but I had nobody around me with any sort of understanding to help guide me – anything that I did try to talk about was quickly dismissed. I was heavily influenced by my Devonshire Grandmother who had a taste for the paranormal and old wives tales, she also had a taste for Chapel, but somehow these seemed to balance themselves perfectly and she never hid who she was or what she believed. That was a good grounding for a young girl I believe, especially one who would go on to embrace a different sort of spirituality than that which she was raised with.
By the time I was 20 I actually considered myself to be an atheist – I couldn't see how any benevolent guiding force could have led me to where I was as it wasn't a good place to be. I think my interest in the Paranormal was what guided in the direction I take now – the idea of life after death was an intriguing one that I really wanted to explore. The fact that my own life was such a mess also prompted an interest in divination – I longed to hear that better times were coming just around the corner.
I had my first truly aware spiritual experience at my Grandmother's funeral when I was 21 – I stood in the graveyard as people gathered around her resting place to say their goodbyes, when I was struck with the awareness that that wasn't my Grandmother in the coffin, that she was very much still around and watching us going through this rather morbid ritual. It made me want to explore life after death even more and led me onto the next step of my path.
Life took many twists and turns, as it does for us all, but I kept searching for answers and for something to believe in wholeheartedly. I began to delve into Tarot, but didn't find myself connecting in the way I had hoped. I collected a few crystals, but they were just pretty to look at. I was reaching out but not really grasping anything. I realise now that I wanted to run before I could walk and to understand more than I was able to – I didn't understand that experience would count for far more than books and possessions! Then spirit gave me the kick up my backside that would lead to the experience I lacked – I split with my Husband and lost almost everything I had. I found myself on the verge of being homeless with no money and two large dogs! I refused to give up my dogs and vowed to find a way forward. Spirit rewarded my determination and I managed to move forward with my dogs right beside me. Times were hard and money was tight, but I learned more about my connection with spirit than all the previous years put together. Most of all I learned trust and patience.

My beautiful Golden Retriever passed some years later and at that point I learned how dogs feel exactly the same way that we do – I watched my lovely German Shepherd struggle with grief just as I was, but we got through with a little Reiki from a lady I happened to stumble across on social media. I know I was meant to find her and the experience I had with that very first session of Reiki was the most beautiful I have ever had. My German Shepherd was in the room with me during the Reiki and it clearly benefited him too – we both turned a corner that day. The experience itself was such a peaceful one – very quickly it felt like an Angel was stood at my head with their wings wrapped around me, I don't think I've ever felt peace like it.
A year or so later everything changed again when I met someone new and decided to up sticks and move to be with them, German Shepherd in tow! This gave me new experiences to reflect upon as I felt deeply homesick and alone, but sometimes the best lessons are the hardest to grasp. I settled into a new routine and then another addition came along in the shape of another German Shepherd – Hollie. My partner had got Hollie as a puppy, but when he split with his Wife he left her behind where he felt she would be best off. Fate intervened when Hollie could no longer stay in her normal home and she came to live with us. I watched this beautiful dog grow from a shadow of her former self into a confident and very happy little soul and she made my heart sing. My German Shepherd passed as an old man and having Hollie made the experience easier to bear. He did pop back to say hello just the once that I'm aware of, but I think he was far too busy catching up with his beloved Golden Retriever – I would have loved to see the moment they were reunited on the other side.
During all these years I carried on learning, mostly through the experiences I was having, but also through books, cards, crystals etc. I worked on gaining knowledge and experience of all things spiritual and psychic and began to see the lessons throughout my life so far. I created a group on social media and had the privilege of meeting some truly amazing people and remain friends with many of them to this day – I just needed to put myself out there, I needed to have a little confidence to stand up and say “this is me – who's with me?”. Life has made me a bit of a loner, but suddenly I realised how wonderful it was to connect with the right people, with people that understood where I was coming from. This is partly what prompted me to start selling at Mind, Body, Spirit events – I wanted to connect with other spiritual souls – and that in turn gave me the confidence to create a website and make this a real business.
Last year came the biggest knock of all when Hollie passed – she had reached the amazing age of 15 and had the strongest will to live that I have ever experienced. She was my little star and suddenly she wasn't there any more – it hurt like nothing I have ever felt before. I had lost my soulmate, but I had also lost my reason for being, my job. It was the first time in nearly 25 years that I had been without a dog in the physical sense and I felt lost and alone. I won't describe the darkness I entered, it doesn't do me any good to reflect on that – what is important is that I found a way through it, or should I say spirit helped me find my way through it. Gradually I began to feel Hollie's presence around me and that grew and grew until I realised that she was always here, that she hadn't actually gone anywhere. My partner and I would go out in the car and we'd both feel her between us – as if she was perched between our seats, looking out the windscreen. We went for walks and would feel her with us, sometimes we felt all three dogs with us! I would feel her trying to get up on the sofa beside me – something she wasn't allowed to do when she was on this side of the veil. More and more experiences happened and cemented in both our minds that she is still here with us, that not much has changed really. I now understand that death is not an ending, that it's not even a change of scene necessarily, it's a transformation - just as the caterpillar that cocoons itself and emerges as the butterfly hasn't actually gone anywhere, neither do we when we die, we are still the same people and if we choose so we can still be here with those we love. It turns out it's exactly the same for dogs. It turns out that my beautiful dog taught me the biggest spiritual lesson I have learned.

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